I got engaged to a stranger. His family and stature in the society was indeed commendable. I was the lucky girl in town. And as far as I was concerned, I was OK with my fiancé. We didn't talk much. He worked in Canada and I in Mumbai. Timing was a bitch with us.. because of the long distance. People asked how was courtship treating me, err, how was my fiancé, err, am I happy, err, are we getting along well.. etc etc, and I stayed mum to such questions. What was I suppose to say anyway? We barely conversed with each other. There was no friendship between us, and people were bothered about love. I remember the day we met the first time. He was a handsome looking man and I loved every bit of it. Well I'm not the one who has the best figure in the world or the best eyes or the best hair, if he was expecting that. All I had was my heart.. clean and pure.. to give it to him. Our rendezvous was good. Later, that evening, when things got fixed up, he said he liked me. I was ecstatic. He said I had a good skin and I was fleshy and that he loved fleshy girls. I adored him.. not for cajoling me, but for being who he was and above all being honest with me! I respected him.
My acquaintances japed me every now and then and were curious enough to know what chemistry did we share.. what was going on between us.. how were we like with each other or how exactly were couples like when they newly find each other and how crazy do they get about each other. I found all of it very amusing. Not all the couples are like the clichéd love birds that we see around us all the time! There was always a fear in my heart.. Was I with the right person, was I listening to my heart, is arranged marriage a great idea in the first place? All these questions gave me lot of sleepless nights. It was all so formal between us.. no emotional bonding at all. I already had one failed relationship and thus did not have the time, courage and patience to handle another one and thus settled with the idea of arranged marriage.
Post marriage, he was suppose to stay in India for a while. All the formalities related to VISA and stuff would be completed in the meantime. And then we were suppose to fly together.. to Canada.
Everything was good on our wedding day. I was happy. He seemed happy. He seemed excited as well. After all the rituals and ceremonies next day, we were required to be with each other.. united as two bodies and one soul. I was scared.. nervous I guess. He planted a soft kiss on my lips, taking me in his arms, making me melt from top to bottom. It was a perfect moment. And then someone knocked the door. It was something urgent. He had to go out. I kept waiting for him and didn't realize when I felt asleep. Next morning, I saw him by my side, curled up in himself. I asked him what went wrong and he chose to stay quiet. I thought it must be stress or tiredness. I ignored it. The next day I got the news that he had to leave next week to Canada. Urgent work. Another project had come up. And I would join when I’ll be done with the VISA formalities. I was heartbroken. Everybody loved me in the house, but I craved for his love. What I didn't get was what went wrong the moment he left the room. After that, he became a total stranger. His mood changed. His expressions changed. His body language changed. Everything between us changed!
My skin was nice and clear when we met, but at the time of our marriage, I started having zits all over my face. Plus everyone in the house.. you know how it is with a newly wedded bride. Every tom, dick and harry scans from head to toe, from the way she walks or how she talks or how she looks or how are her hair or how slim is her waist and what not! It was obvious my pimples couldn't escape those eagle eyes. And he on the other end was the perfect man every girl would dream of. But fretting over skin was impertinent I guess. I tried like zillion times to know what was going in his head, why was he not talking to me, why was ignoring me, why was he not loving me?!
It was the night before he had to leave.
Him-“ Care for a drink?”
Me- “I don’t mind”
Him-“ So you had a boyfriend?!”
Me- “No.. I didn’t”
Him-“ Yes. You did”
The wine was flowing into our glasses and both of us were losing our control
Him- “He must have left you, or probably dumped you.. That’s the reason why you chose to marry me. Isn't it?”
Me-“ That is not true. Did you had a girlfriend?”
Him-“ If I’d had one, I’d rather marry her than anyone else on earth. I'm not ones who give up easily. I get what I want to get”
Me-“If you have so much of the issue with me, then why did you marry me?”
Him-“ Because I didn't know about it then. Had I known, I would never have married you”
All the words that he said to me, pierced my heart. It pricked me. It hurt me. I was left in tears and had nothing to say. He slept on the couch. And I lied awake all night. He left next day and asked me to come soon. And here I am.. staying with his family. Waiting for him and his so called calls. Trying to gain all the strength and confidence to face when we meet. To give the answers to all the unsaid questions he had. To defend myself and accept the fact that it’s OK if I had someone in my life before he became the ONE. A failed relationship is not that big of a deal and I choose to love him and stay loyal to him all my life. Isn't this enough? what’s done is done. I know any other woman at my place would have left him by now. But I feel, it's all anger that him do all of this. I believe when we talk next, it will all be sorted.
Waiting for the time we meet and finding the answers till then...
Written for Three Word Wednesday