Monday, 22 February 2016

Reasons I hear for Having a Baby right away! #MondayMusings


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Are you married just yet? If yes, then you’re lucky for a while, but not for long. But let’s just say you’re married for 2 years now and I’m sure you must be bombarded with hell lot of unsolicited advices for taking a step ahead in your life, starting your own family and having a baby.

I am married for 3 years now and will celebrate my 4th anniversary this year in October. I’m sure you must have got a hunch about things must have been at my end when it comes to starting my family. Certain reasons sound okay, while certain sound just as funny.

In the first place, I feel, who are you to tell me about how to go about things in life? Especially, a thing as personal as this? And this comes from a set of people with whom I barely talk, we hardly communicate and know each other. We don’t know each other and here you come, unabashedly giving all the not-so-required suggestions. And the nosy relatives! You know how poky they get when it comes to others business.

Let me throw a few statements that I get. They may be instances as well that I’m telling you.

-  So once, we wanted to buy some furniture for my MIL’s room. And after scouting a number of shops, we finally found the right shop and the right piece that we were looking for. This took 2-3 days, visiting couple of shops and finally placing the order at the right shop. After signing the deal, on our way to home, I was really happy and relieved that we could finally make the choice and was pondering about the same while driving. And while on the way, I also learned that just the way it took so many efforts for us to find the right furniture, it will surely take a bit time and effort to make a baby! I mean what logic is this? Or maybe the logic is correct, but what timing was that? We were talking about furniture and then automatically the entire topic now shifted towards family planning! While I was secretly thinking in my head to cancel the next place we had to go and raised the speed to reach home as early as possible.

- One Sunday evening, while watching a movie together with family, during a break, A, asked if we could go to the mall to buy some stuff. Now one thing with A, is that he can’t shop during sale period (and it was sale period then). Also, when the place is too crowded, he’s not able to shop again. He would move around, look up some stuff but won’t buy, because the place is stuffed with too many people. And that was the reason I was a bit reluctant to go. His parents asked him what he wanted to buy, to which he casually replied, nothing specific, just general time pass. We were anyway home, watching TV all day, so it would be a bit of change. To this we get to hear, that we should surely have kids now, so that we’ll not get bored and won’t do unnecessary time pass! While they as well have nothing to do most of times! So having a baby would resolve lot of things! Again, what he proposed and what answer he got were two completely non related things.

- Or let’s just say, no one is getting married this year, so that’s the best time to have a baby. Coz next year X may get hooked up, the other year Y and then Z. So no time later. But this year looks completely free and empty. How about filling it up with a baby? Well, how about completing it with yearly goals, learning a new thing, excelling in work, increasing the number of work hours so that there’s no time at all to get bored?! Just because no one is getting married or there are couple of weddings lined up next year, this year is the best to have a bun in the oven sounds completely absurd to me.

-Because you were the first one to get married and now your friends have started having kids, though they got married after you! Is it a competition of ‘who makes baby first?’ that is going on? Had that been the case, A said, marriage wasn’t the thing that was required. Babies could be made out wedlock as well! (O I am so glad he backs me up every time this topic comes up).

- Coz before 30, you should have two kids with a minimum gap of three years between the kids and you are already running out of time! Du-uh! I am 27 and I have ample amount of time! And who said we want two kids?

I know it’s an important part of life and I’ll do it only when A, and I feel comfortable about this. Other than us, I don’t think anyone has got any right to pester, lecture us about it every other day!

How about eating good food, hanging out with friends, partying occasionally, working your ass off the whole week while relaxing and chilling on Sundays, all of these sound great deal to me. As of now. It may get changed later, of course.
Source
While the reasons are never ending and the advices are plenty, I’m sure you too must have faced this during social gatherings or family events or in your daily life. Certain reasons do make sense, while most of them are absurd, idiotic, and laughable at the same time.

What do people say to you? Do they bug you with such inquiries and unsolicited advices? Is it the same or you face something different? Do you answer back right away? Let me know if you do, coz I really need some new answers and I might just use yours.

Linking with Microblog Monday
                     #MondayMusings

#MondayMusings
Cheers

30 Discussion

  1. Good one!! Why does it matter to them when it doesn't to us?? Welcome to the club.
    Have you read this? http://happinessandfood.com/please-dont-ask-me/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know why does it matter to them so much! And I loved your post Parul.. As always :)

      Cheers

      Delete
  2. Hahaha! I'm unmarried. Guess what I get to hear in terms of unsolicited advice! ;) :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course I do..!! the society is always after eating heads and scout for things that are not their business..!

      Cheers

      Delete
  3. We know what's good for you, Understand? Hear me?? ha ha.. Live your life to your hearts tune my dear. Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a ton Nisha :) That does helps you know :)

      Cheers

      Delete
  4. I am faced this many a times......But it's their level. Just move on. Everything happens for a reason and at a particular time. So please be patient and don't hurry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I am being.. but everyone around me, they're starting take away my patience from me..
      Best is ignore and do what I love :)
      Thanks for your words Vasantha :)

      Cheers

      Delete
  5. That is a very valid point you have raised. People don't want you to have baby till you celebrate the first anniversary but just as you enter two they expect magic. as if this is some experiment with fixed procedure with a conclusion that should match with that of the so called social examiners.The mindset is still the same that existed long long ago.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And the mindset will remain the same for a long long time.! They can't even afford to accept having babies a bit late, lest not speak of having no babies at all, out of choice.. That will surely give them heart attack I guess!

      Cheers

      Delete
  6. Hahaha. Sailing in the same boat. This Jan 30th I and my husband celebrated our first year anniversary and along with wishes I also got a lot of, "So you had fun for one year. Now its time for a baby". And I never knew how to respond. I am 27 and I am in no hurry to have a baby. I just wish people dont keep harassing me with baby related questions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. O they will!! It's just first anniversary that has gone by.. with every new anniversary, there will be loads and loads of suggestions and advices!
      I wish things happened the way think of them to be sometimes :)

      Cheers

      Delete
  7. People do not understand personal space and believe that giving such unsolicited advice is their birth right! Just apply Ctrl+Alt+Del to such conversations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes..! That's the best solution I guess Shilpa!
      But people really need to take classes of not interfering in others lives!

      Cheers

      Delete
  8. Dude , I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am 27 , married for almost 3 years now and People have started advising me to Visit a Doctor :(

    Who the bloody hell told them that I am trying to have a BABYYY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes..!! That's what they have been saying to my in-laws.. seeking for a doctor! I mean, see the guts man! And this to an extent worries my in-laws! Every party they attend, people are after their lives, suggesting something or the other to get the baby, visit the doctor, counsel the daughter in law (that's me) and what not!

      Delete
  9. Hahahah - ooooh all those people NOT minding their own business! Go ahead girl, dont mind them, live your life, do what makes you happy and what YOU guys want to do:-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the spirit I need Eli and more people like you around me!
      Thanks :)

      Cheers

      Delete
  10. Haha..we'll be married 5 years this October and have heard enough of 'why' you should have a child 'now' from plenty of known and unknown 'well wishers' I don't respond, negatively or positively, and let their comments/suggestions pass quietly. Why people make it their business to know why/when others are having kids, I just don't understand!! Hmph!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes keeping quiet helps I guess. Simply smile and ignore. But I seriously get shunned at the audacity with which people question..
      Go your way Aditi!

      Cheers

      Delete
  11. I often wonder why can't people mind their own business.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha.. I so totally relate to it... Though I am 28 and unmarried... I mean they say if you dont marry someone right now, I would be too old to bear a child (you know child should happen before 30!). Really... People should just live and let others live too, I guess :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, more than the marriage, its the timing of the babies that worries them! You're not married yet, when will you have babies! I mean, are you serious? What logic is this?
      Live and let live..
      Thanks Loco :)

      Cheers

      Delete
  13. ohh the baby thing!!! as if we don't have a billion of our kind already :P
    Noone's getting married so have a baby... ROFL that's hilarious :D I usually reply with "ha bas on the way hai" :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, they actually gave me that and I laughed it off too.. But now, its too often that I don't even feel like laughing to it! God help me!

      Cheers

      Delete
  14. smiles,i am married from 24 years and have three boys with un usual age difference first is 22 now and on job,while the second one is in 8th grade and last third is in 4th grade ,after my first son i don't know it came long gap of ten year between my second kid and during these ten years i heard lots and lots from my in laws about this and they were tense and hyper them me and even had doubted that i am one who is taking some kind of pills or else oh God

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People want to decide the time of the marriage, the age of the marriage, the timings of the babies, the gap between the babies, the number of babies, their schooling, their education, and what not!

      I wonder, they've done what they wanted to do with their children, now why eat other's head?

      Delete
  15. Ha ha ... such 'advices' really get on the nerves :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. O yes they do.. Thanks for dropping by Amrit :)

      Cheers

      Delete

Thanks for dropping by :)

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