Monday, 7 March 2016

Come, let's #PledgeforParity, this Women's Day- #MondayMusings


With International Women’s Day coming up, the social media is flooded with zillion articles and posters to celebrate the womanhood in the world. Isn’t that a wonderful thing to do? And so I'd like to share my two cents. For I am no different. And it will be more than a pleasure to share the thoughts on my own blog space.

While scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed, I came across #PledgeforParity movement on Naba’s post and that intrigued me right away. I wanted to pledge and be a part of the force where millions of women are joining hands for the equality in the world. And this shout out is more important than you think.

All of us, women, try our level best to share, do, treat, take things equally. And expect equal rights, don’t we? And our families too support us to an extent in this effort. But is it always possible to do that every single time? Sometimes, Yes, but most of the times, No!

Yes, times are changing but there is a lot that still has to be taken care of.

I have a few examples to share and justify my notion.

For instance, let’s say everyone is having dinner at the table or let’s say you have guests over to your place and you don’t have a hired staff to cook things for you, in that situation, watching the woman of the house- making, preparing or serving hot meal looks like big deal? Hell, No!

The man of the house sits with the guests devouring in the tea and snacks prepared by his lovely wife and he gets to make jokes, discuss politics and share things around, completely oblivious to the help her wife needs.

Or let’s say there are friends over for a get-together, will not the wife insist the husband sit comfortably and she will bring water, snacks, glasses, drinks, or whatever. Isn’t that a common sight to witness? And truth be told, we too, don’t see anything wrong in that. Isn’t that the way we’ve been seeing things since our childhood? Yes, exceptions are always there and I am glad there are a few, but not many. Why we don’t feel anything wrong with this arrangement is because that’s how we see things around us.

Let’s say, you’re invited to a family dinner to your relatives house. Doesn’t it become your (women’s) duty, to go and ask if the host needs help? Or is there anything where she can help in serving things? Or if she forgets to offer help, the woman’s family will sub-consciously ask her to help out the host and she will be more than willing to do it.

And if for a change she doesn’t come forward to help, people automatically make assumptions and judge her on her etiquettes and manners.

Isn’t that true?

I don't have a problem doing that chore, but sometimes what I feel is, why is it always a woman’s duty to offer help? And not men to offer for help. And why don’t we label or comment on their etiquettes and manners when they don’t move their asses to help out?

Why don’t we see the kind of arrangement where the lady of the house is chit chatting and the men are serving or offering for help, to say the least? Why are bhabhi JI's only supposed to get up from their places and enter into the kitchen?

I know it will take a really long time to change this system and can be possible with men’s help if only they are willing to. Otherwise, nothing can be done if it doesn’t come from within.

Let’s take another instance.

So a couple of friends hang out together on weekends and most of them are married. And friends with whom you’re hanging out were first your husband’s friends but eventually with time, you too have bonded with them and their wives.

Now, you’re not in town for a few days (may be you’re visiting your parents), in that case, does the husband stops going out with friends on weekends or late nights? Or if he goes, is he back before it turns dark? Of course not!

On the contrary, if the husband is out of town for work or something, of course, the wife wouldn't go out in the night or hang out with his friends? She may go if the couple is staying all by themselves, but she will never go if she is staying with the husband’s family.

It will look awkward, wouldn’t it? Even the husband may not like it in the first place. He too will suggest visiting them some other weekend and chucking them this time. And we don’t see anything wrong in it, do we? Because that’s just how it is. I don’t have anything against it but it’s just an observation that pesters me sometimes.

Again, things are changing, men are changing as well and it will take a whole lot of years to bring complete equality in the world.

According to International Women’s Day website:

The World Economic Forum predicted in 2014 that it would take until 2095 to achieve global gender parity. Then one year later in 2015, they estimated that a slowdown in the already glacial pace of progress meant the gender gap wouldn't close entirely until 2133.

Until 2133!!! That’s a lot of time!

Such things are so deep rooted and ingrained in our heads, that we don’t even feel the need to fight this issue. And that is why I pledge to challenge conscious and unconscious bias.
I read Richa’s post as well, and what moved me was:

We too wish to live in a world where there is no need for feminism.

And I so agree with this. Why is feminism even a word? Had there been equality all over the world, no such term would have ever existed. Isn’t that a valid food for thought?

Leaving your work the moment men enter the house, keeping things at proper places, organizing their wardrobes, are normal things to do. But why don’t men do such things if they are that normal?

I have pledged for parity. 

On this Women’s Day, are you going to pledge?

I’m sure you too must be having numerous instances in this regard. Why not share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below? Would love to hear them out.

P.S: The examples mentioned above are purely observations and nothing personal. 


14 Discussion

  1. Oh, the most awaited gender equality! I wish to be alive to see the day when people would stop offering promotion, job, advice among other things based on one's gender. Thanks for writing a thought-provoking post on this subject.

    1. That day looks like a distant dream... or may be when I'll be old, sitting in arm rest chair, sipping coffee and hearing such from my grand daughter, I guess..!
      But as of now, it's really a dream!

      Thanks a lot Ankita :) The pleasure was all mine :)


  2. :-) I've already pledged! Happy Women's Day to you, Geetika. It is scary to see the statistics on how long it will take to achieve parity, but it is also heart warming that people are conscious about this fact,and ready to work towards shortening the gap!

    1. Yes.. And what we need to do is increase such numbers, spread awareness or provoke women to fight for their rights..
      Happy Women's Day to you :)


  3. Happy Women's day, Geetika... You are right you know? Why is it only expected for women to do the serving in a gathering? This is such an apt example of bias that needs to be rooted out.. Maybe the change will happen if we gradually educate the next generation & lead by example in our own homes..

    1. Exactly.. I sometimes, struggle so much to live this example.. Sometimes it comes easy, my husband does give a hand in the kitchen when guests are around, but it's not possible every single time..
      We only will have to be the change in order to bring about the change..


  4. I always have to cook to entertain and do for others, but now my husband helps clean the dishes when we have special guest. They clean up their places so that we can all have time to spend together and I am not stuck in the kitchen. It is a step forward in my home at least. :) Parity will come with true love. Love that each has for one another to sacrifice themselves for the good of the other. My husband loves me and he wants me to be happy so he does things for me around the home so I can have quality time to spend with him and my daughter.

    1. A very valid point Mary. Parity comes with love for another, and it is that power only that lets you do things you've never done before.. You are one lucky woman.. Touchwood!


  5. How true! But I think we're empowered because we have the ability to voice our frustrations and have the opportunity to do something about it. Happy women's day to you

    1. Happy Women's day :) I'm glad we have that power and a tool to vent out our frustration!


  6. Well written post... Conveys our mindset... Thanks for sharing!

  7. I loved your examples and I know I am guilty of many of them. You are right about the conscious and the unconscious bias. It's so deeply en-grained.
    Be the change you wish to see - such a right one. We need to take the baton in our hands, within our homes and that's the only way I know things will get equal.
    Great post Geetika!

    1. So am I Parul and so are many of us.. And it's all sub conscious.. Not that our husbands are bad people.. It's just that's how the system has been working from ages.. it will take time to change the entire thing altogether..

      Your words really encourage me Parul :) Thanks :)



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