|Something that once seemed so evil becomes the only drug to keep you going.
Tuesday, 24 January 2017
The other day this thought crossed my mind. And it made me realise things change so fast around us and we don’t even notice. But when realisations strike, it obviously gets too late!
So many things change when we grow up. And we become the kinds we never thought we would. Our circle gets limited. We become less understanding and more judging. We give less and expect more. For every ounce of stuff done around us. We’re always surrounded by things neck deep that we barely get time for our loved ones. And so, we don’t call them either. Rather, wait for the other one to make an effort and if the other doesn’t, it becomes our birthright to blame them for being busy and not calling us or not making an effort.
Convenient, isn’t it?
From the times in the school, when sharing about your first crush, or first boyfriend or the many firsts, that used to be the highlight of the day, without which we wouldn’t be able to digest our food, and was the top priority to get it out somehow, to the times when we fight our scariest demon... all alone! And the worst part is we start hiding things. Coz of the fear of being judged, or probably to display that our life is perfect. That we know how to deal with stuff around us!
I don’t know what is it and more importantly, why it is like this!
Things change. Relationships change. Priorities change.
I, for one, used to be the most caring person around. I used to think about others before myself. I still do. I used to be the one making calls on birthdays to wish the person not-so-special (I've stopped doing that), the one who was always ready to sacrifice and suffer, the one who’d never put herself before anyone else, the one who couldn’t live without her friends, the one whose yapping used to be her thing, the one who couldn’t resist sharing the minutest of details happening in her life. Sharing the particulars of the most silly things that can happen in one’s life, to obviously the ones that are truly worth sharing. And today, when I look at myself, I feel so different. Part of that person inside me has taken a slow death!
I barely text my friends, let alone call them. And I don’t even regret that. If someone calls, it’s fine by me. But that urge to take that extra effort, it doesn’t come. I’m still figuring why?
But the good part is during this process, the ones who are truly yours will always come to you and that makes you happy. Really happy.
Recently, I saw this word and it resonated with my state of mind so well that I want to share it here.
Yes, sometimes I feel Exhaustipated!
I don’t care about things and I feel okay about it! People, who know me well, know how strange it is for me to feel this way.
And this year, the resolution that truly is the highlight and the one I’m religiously working on, is to ‘Speak less’! Yes, you heard that! Loud and clear.
Not that I’m trying to change who I am, but trying to change certain habits that have been doing more harm than good! And no one is responsible for it, but me. Whenever I end up feeling bad, I realize it’s all because of me that I felt the way I did. I’m not blaming anyone, nor am I pointing fingers at anyone, all I’m saying is there are certainly things that I should change about myself, coz no one but me will be the one getting hurt the most!
And in between, I look forward to discovering more of myself. I’m sure it’s going to be worth it.
I think it’s enough for today. Tell me about yourself.
Have you ever done this? Tried to change something about yourself and the way it turned out to be?
Was it good? Was it worth the try? Share with me all your wisdom and I am all ears here!
Does this post resonate with you? Let me know either way.